Benji Motloung Male r@pe surviver- i was r@ped untill i thought it was normal
Male r@pe surviver- i was r@ped untill I thought it was normal_Benji Motloung reveals.
Benji Motloung claims that his relationships suffered as a result of his early exposure to s3x.
His book I Conquered My Desert, in which he reveals some of his life experiences as a r@pe survivor, is written by him.
In addition, he founded the group Open The Can of Worms, which assists men in facing their concealed shame.
At the Beautiful Scars event, which was presented by Rethabile Lechela, 40-year-old Benji Motloung recently discussed the guilt he felt as a r@pe survivor.
Male suicide rates in South Africa are four times higher than female rates, according to the WHO.
Benji was once one of those individuals who, as a result of the suffering he experienced as a youth, had given up on life.
“I was born in Soweto and grew up in the Free State. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home”.
“When my parents struggled to take care of me and my siblings, I went to live with my aunt who was very abusive.”
” I was exposed to s3x and forced to watch people doing the deed in the house,” he says.
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“We lived in a very small house with two rooms and there was no privacy. I would see women walk around the house n@ked or see adults having s3x”.
” My aunt and her boyfriend would often fight, there was no privacy and just violence and alcohol. I was young at the time and knew nothing about a woman’s body.”
At school, he was bullied because he came from a poor home.
“I was bullied in primary and high school for being the poorest and smartest child,” he says.
After a few years, he moved back home with his siblings and his parents who were stable enough to take care of him and his six siblings.
After the death of his parents, issues resurfaced. His mother became ill and passed away, leaving his father to raise the children alone.
“When my mom died, our father changed women like socks,” he says.
“He was no longer providing for us and being the only boy, I had to be my own parent and take care of myself.”
His father, along with his other six siblings, died shortly after that. He lost his father when he was a teenager.
“After my dad passed away, there were nine of us and my six siblings passed away within a decade.
” Everyone just kept dying, contributed to my internal anger.”
Benji was then taken in by a neighbour, who he would often visit.
“The lady and her husband helped me out with food and clothes, and they took me as one of their own,” he says.
“Until the day I was r@ped, I remember it well. It all started in January; I was coming from town carrying groceries. I knocked at the door, and as I was about to enter the house, she told me to look through the bathroom window and I saw that she was completely n@ked applying lotion. I was shocked, I dropped the plastic bags and ran home,” he says.
“She tried calling me the whole week, I remember she had bought me a 3310 cell phone and she kept calling me to apologise, but I was afraid. But after a few days, she came to our house to apologise.
“She said she is sorry. She didn’t mean to scare me and that I should trust her because she is like a mother to me. I felt her remorse. I could see how sorry she was. She hugged me and as we let go, she k¡ssed me. Not like a mother to a child but a boyfriend k¡ss. When I tried to break away, she was on my neck,” Benji adds.
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Frightened and helpless, I was forced into an £rection.
“A lot of men asked me how can a man claim to be r@ped. But I was forced into an £rection. My flesh acted against my will. I ended up entertaining a woman as old as my mom,” he says.
“She was preparing me to be her s3x slave. When she left, I closed the door, I felt dirty. I could not sleep, the flashbacks. The next day, she came to fetch me to her place. She said, I am not a boy anymore, I am a man now. She said, I am more of a man than her husband and she promised to take care of me,” he says.
“The first few times were horrible but she continued every day. She would sometimes dress up in lingerie. We did it every day, sometimes more than once. I didn’t feel like a victim anymore. She r@ped me every day until I thought it was normal. I started to feel like a man and that my friends were immature.”
They spent more time together almost like a couple.
“She could get rid of girls who were interested in me. She would say, leave my child alone, he is focusing on school. Her husband loved me more, he would take me on outings. I wanted to tell him but I thought he would kill me. I felt I did something wrong. There were times I wanted to report the matter to the police but who would believe me? Then it was hard for police to believe women, as a man, I would be shamed,” he says.
After living with this secret for a long time it affected his education and mature relationships.
His marriage turned abusive
“My relationships did not last,” he says.
“My ex-wife and I went for counseling, but I know our marriage was affected badly by my childhood traumas,” he says.
After all his bad childhood trauma, he wants to help men to find their voices in such situations.
“Since then learned that the lady who r@ped me is still alive and me having accepted Christ, I wish to meet her and let her accept Christ as a saviour so she would be forgiven.
“I am on a quest to confront her for closure,” he says.
“I am not just a man now, but I am a man of God, a counselor, minister, and I talk to people about these issues. Wouldn’t want her arrested, but I pray she changes her life.”
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“Children needs to be protected at tender age”
“Often I speak to inmates charged with s3xual assault many grew up seeing women walk around n@ked and they believe they have access to women as their property. Many do not know any better and most have been victims of s3xual assault. But we don’t realize you are grooming a future r@pist. We need to teach a young boy and girl to respect a woman’s body.”
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